Last night I definitely went to bed wearing clothes. This morning I woke up naked… The things I do in my sleep worry me.
on that happy note I’m off to bed. lets see what shenanigans happen tonight!
I want so desperately to want him. But I just can’t force those kinds of feelings. It sucks knowing you are about to hurt someone you truly care about.
me and my roommate started a kitten blog… cus we love cats so much…
http://kittensbitch.tumblr.com/
except I don’t remember the password… so I can’t even add to it… and the last time we posted was like over a year ago.
But I just need to share how ecstatic I am right now. So I found out yesterday that I am co-captain of my university’s cheer team! Normally this would be fairly exciting news, but to me its more than exciting. I started Whitworth Cheer as an alternate. Yeah that means I wasn’t really actually on the team. Like I was a back up, or understudy… kinda just a filler in case anything happened to one of the real cheerleaders. My coach had little faith in me, didn’t think I was particularly useful, and hardly gave me a second glance. BUT I worked my ass off and eventually worked my way up. In just two years I went from being a nothing to having the second best spot in our game lines, behind this past season’s captain. My work ethic and dedication, and continuing skill in the sport got me to where I am, and this weekend I was voted captain - along with one of my best friends who also deserves it. I know this may be lame… but it’s my success story, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Not to mention I’ll only be a junior… and whitworth cheer hasn’t had a junior captain since like… ever?
I don’t get how I can get rejected from this RA job, and yet the head of the hiring committee can email me and tell me that “they don’t normally email rejected candidates,” but the committee saw “many things that encouraged” them through me in this process, and how they are proud of me and think that I am a leader at my school.
If I’m a fucking leader than why didn’t I get the fucking job?
I’m so fucking fed up with not being good enough for Whitworth. I’m sorry that I’m not the perfect Christian. I’m sorry that I’ve messed up and made mistakes. I’m sorry I don’t fit the Whitworth stereotype.
But you know what, I believed I could make a difference. I could help some freshmen get through what I went through last year. Help them to know that it isn’t too late for them. To help them fit in at Whitworth even when they don’t think it will ever be possible. I could make a difference.
I’m just so lost and confused right now. I feel like so many doors are being closed for me left and right. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I feel like even the smallest opportunities are being ripped out from under me. I feel like I’m not good enough to make it in the real world. I’m losing hope, but I’m trying to hold on. But it is so. fucking. hard.
Whitworth constantly screws me over. It’s like I’ll never be good enough for this school. Thank God it’s spring break.
Me and my friends used joke about me being forever alone cus no guys were interested in me. But now that I have a boyfriend, I’m terrified that I really am destined to be forever alone… not because people don’t want me, but because I want to be forever alone.
Why is it that I’m happier single than I am when I’m in a relationship?
I keep checking my inbox just waiting for a message. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. Or from whom. I think I need something. Some words of wisdom, or inspiration, or hope. But I’m not sure what. Or from whom.
I don’t think you understand how much I would die if someone sang “All I Ask of You” from Phantom of the Opera, to me. Like seriously. They would have my heart forever.
